We have to start living.
7/23/2014: It has been 6 days since my last story. Man, it looks like tumblr can also be like blog. You can write whatever the hell you want. So, what’s for tonight huh? I guess some story will do and of course, a few confessions. So start with a girl name Adlina. We knew each other since high school. Tbh, I fell for her before, and I don’t really know even till now, that has she ever fell for me or felt the same thing like I was. But guess I’ve to forget about that, even I still don’t know bout it till now. But the truth is, I tried to understand my feelings towards adlina, and I finally know. Actually, I just like her a lot, like a lot man. That’s why I guess. Hmm, nevermind she has a boyfriend now and she’s happy, that’s what matter. As her friend, I couldn’t ask for more for her than seeing her happy. But thank you addy, thank you. I thank Allah SWT, how grateful I am to have a friend and someone like you in my life. A very good listener and adviser. Stay that way, I guess that’s just who you are. Fyi, I love to stare at you whenever you tell me stories or bout anything, I find it really really cute and adorable. Very passionate. Hahaa! Hilarious! Lol! But yeah, I really do. Man, I’m insane. Lol, guess that’s just me. Hehe. So now, it’s time for another confession. Life is short y’know. So everything you feel inside, you better express it, or tell someone you like/love bout how you really feel towards them, or, your loss. It’s as simple as that. So, here’s the thing. It’s about Najwa, even till know, some of my colleagues ask me, how special is this girl towards you. Let me make it clear pals, she’s my first love. It’s the first time I really really in love. This girl is the real deal. She gave me the meaning of love. We met once tbh. But the first time I saw her, she’s really gorgeous and I had not butterflies all over my tummy but the whole zoo. I can’t be grateful enough to have her. She’s not the type of girl you want or desire. But she’s that type that you need in your life. She’s not romantic, in fact she’s very shy. Guess that’s just her, but when she says she loves you so much, you better believe coz not everyday you got to hear that. So that’s how special she is. You’ve to accept her as who she is. You can’t expect her to be someone’s else. Nur Najwa Diana is Nur Najwa Diana. There’s no copy of her, not even a bad one. Very unique. And if you guys ask me, among all of those ex’s I have, which one is the best, w/o hesitation I would say Nur Najwa Diana out loud and I can do that all day and night. And if you ask me, if I’m given another chance to be with any of my ex’s, I would choose her for sure. And yeah, I still have feelings for her till know. Human emotions is very complicated. But what I know, you can’t, won’t and never forget your first love. That’s just it. It’s not that I don’t have the gut to tell her how I really feel, it’s just that I don’t know if she’s feeling the same. So that’s it, she’ll always remain special in my heart. Always. I would love to express more and say more, but feelings aren’t easy to describe and some things better left unsaid and you only say it once you’re really ready. And also the timing should be right, and I admit that eventually, I’ve to tell her, but not now I guess. And I don’t know if I can wait for that ‘eventually’ or do I have time to wait for it bcoz life’s short aite. So yeah, I really don’t know. Only time will tell, but who knows by the time for that ‘eventually’ she already has someone’s else. We never know that. But that’s fine, that’s life, you’ve to learn to accept things and adapt to it. It makes you stronger. So that’s it for my writing for now. I’ll continue for some other stories after eid mubarak maybe, in shaa Allah. May God bless you all, God bless Malaysia. Cheeriooo! :D
7/17/2014: Currently staying at home, with nothing productive to do and keep asking myself what the hell am I doing with my life. I’ve wasted a lot of times on stupid things, I don’t really know if I’ve learned from my mistakes in the past. It’s 2014 now, I made my Tumblr account 3 years ago, time flies ~ yeahhhh ~ A lot of things have change since then. And most important, I’ve lost a lot of people, important people in my life. Partially, of course not to be a hypocrite, it’s because of me, another part because of them. I don’t know how many times I’ve to say this over and over and over again. But it seems, I’m not over with these losses. I lost everything now, I lost friends. I’ve really no one to talk to. I only have Allah SWT. But yes, as a human, I’ve sinned countless times towards Him. Right now, I’m lost, I don’t know what to do, what happen to my motivation that drive me to become a better individual. Guess I’m still in transition of those losses. To be honest, unlike other people, I’m alone, even around people I know I still feel like I’m alone. Right now, what I know and what I want is to start studying, pursuing my dreams and goals. But yeahhh September just can’t come soon enough aite? Heh, what a waste. I’ve wasted lots of times on moaning, whining, complaining, being emotional, playing games, eat sleep and repeat, playing with lappy and surfing the net. Not even none of what I just mentioned, worth or called productive. I don’t know if other teenagers also doing and feeling exactly the same as I am, but I guess that’s me, that’s just what I love to do at the moment. Doing those things of course it really helps in terms of relaxing myself. But I still find it unproductive. If any of you(people here on tumblr) would like to give me some tips and advice that would be great. Because all this time, I’ve been a great adviser to people, but me myself fail to do so. Najwa Diana, Masturina, Sherfiqa Ermelia, Amira Rahman. Names I just mentioned, they mean a lot to me, but the bad news is, all of them have left. So start with Najwa, she’s my first love, even till now, I don’t know if I’m really over her. She understand me really well, she knows almost everything about me than I know bout myself. I guess that’s why I can’t get over her. In fact, she’s my first love. We still in contact tho, but rarely. I’m glad right now she’s studying in college, great college actually. I don’t know whether she’ll be part of my future, but if she does, that must really mean something. And now, Masturina, she’s also one hell of a girl. We could have made it far, but guess, I’ve to understand you’re not ready for commitment. As for Sherfiqa and Amira, these two are also special case. I love these two. One of them, I really fall for them, and its Sherfiqa. As for Amira she’s the best girl friend I’ve ever had. Now back to Sherfiqa. Lets be honest. She’s still in high school, I guess that’s why she’s not mature enough yet. That’s why I feel like I need to guide her in everything. In every aspect of life. She’s someone that really need guidance and affection. That’s what I would be willing to do for her. But guess time and situation won’t let us. For academic reason we had to broke up. But still, I watch over her, stalking her just to keep myself updated. I hope she’s progressing well in in her study so she can make her parents proud of her. Now, Amira, she’s also like Najwa, understand me very well too. But she’s unique in her own way. Seeing you happy without me, its good actually since you’ve your own source of happiness and I lost mine. That’s fine, it’s me who decide to leave, and to be honest it hurts me a lot doing that leaving a bestfriend and its the first time I did. I don’t know if I’m over it. But guess, now is the new challenge for me, bigger than before I guess. Maybe I’ll meet someone new in the future to replace you guys, since some of you have found my replacement. That’s fine. Guess that’s just one of the never ending cycles in life. Thousand of Thank you for these people for helping me write my story, you guys will always be remembered. Now, as for my guys friends. Sigmarians, my high school classmates. They are special. Iskandar, Daniel, Johan, Syahir, Adam, Syahrul, Haziq, Ikram, Akmal and Farid. These guys, without doubt, irreplaceable. They are truly funny, even they love to make fun of me, but that’s fine. Guess if you don’t call your friends stupid, mock them, make them piss but in the end, you still friends. Guess that’s what it means by best buds tho. It annoy me at times, but nahhh, I don’t mind. That’s the best part of them. I’ll miss their annoyance tho. I would like to mention more names and tell more stories but this is too long already, hahaa! sorry people, most of you maybe don’t care bout this shits, but it’s my account and I can write whatever the hell I want. Now, I gotta do some reality check for myself I guess. Adios, cheerio! Goodbye